A Belgian Winter Walk
Walking as a Way of Being
Today we went on a winter walk in the Kluisbos in Belgium, and honestly, I really loved it. Walking is something that genuinely makes me happy. It helps me process things, let go, and recharge. I especially love the balance between walking in silence and walking while talking or singing. That alternation feels very true to who I am.
Snow, Silence, and Slippery Paths
Back home in Ostend, it snowed briefly, but the snow did not stay. Where we were today, however, it definitely did. It was such a joy to walk through the snow, even though it was sometimes a bit dangerous because of the slippery paths.
A First Hike Together
It was also the first time I went on a proper hike with my new partner. There was a gentle sense of discovery, finding out whether we could meet each other fully in this kind of environment. I can only conclude that we were both completely in our element, and it certainly left me wanting more.
Memories of Compostela
During the walk, my thoughts drifted back to Compostela and the hike I did there. That simple life of walking, meeting people, eating well, and sleeping deeply. A life without many problems, yet one that always felt deeply fulfilling. A healthy life in every sense of the word.
The Longing to Walk Again
Quietly, I hope to return to Santiago soon to walk again. I met such wonderful people there, but more importantly, I was able to connect more deeply with myself.
Learning Not to Shrink
I also realize that I do not need to hide myself or make myself smaller. I notice that there is still a layer of insecurity within me, one that seems to fade significantly once I leave Belgium. I am working on it, slowly and with patience. Some things simply need time, and that is okay.
Insecurity, Appearance, and Letting Go of Compensation
The feelings of insecurity or inferiority that often surface within me are closely tied to how I see my own appearance. For a long time, I tried to compensate for those feelings by excelling at something, most often through sports. Now, as I approach 32, I find myself at a point where I no longer want to keep compensating. I want to learn how to accept myself as I am.
Choosing Self-Acceptance
In the end, it is not about what others think of me or whether they accept me. What truly matters is that I accept myself and learn to love who I am. That is where the real challenge lies, and also where the key is. As I mentioned before, this is very much a process, one that can take time. But the first real steps have been taken, and that is what matters most.
The Role of Love and Safety
I am also beginning to notice how much my current partner plays a role in this journey of self-acceptance. It is not always easy. At times it is confronting, but she gives me the space, safety, and support to reflect and to truly work through these feelings. For that, I am deeply grateful.
A Year of Growth and Healing
All of this makes me certain of one thing. 2026 will be a year of growth and healing. Step by step, with patience and faith, I am becoming more at peace with myself. Thank you, Jesus.
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